I had a bad workout yesterday.
I DNF for the first time ever.
It was bad.
After I was finished, I laid on the floor for about 10 minutes afterward and I bitched myself out. I probably said every awful thing I could possibly say to myself.
“you should have pushed harder”
“you should have moved faster”
“I can’t believe you didn’t finish”
“you shouldn’t have rested so long”
Despite my coaches all coming to tell me good job.
Despite Jess yelling and cheering me on.
Despite my boxmates telling me I really worked hard.
I really gave myself hell.
I probably talked to myself like that all the way to class last night. When I pulled into my parking spot, I told myself to shut up.
I pushed hard yesterday afternoon.
Even though double unders are one of my incredible weaknesses, I pushed myself to do them.
Even when I had to do double-single-double. When 65# got heavy, I kept doing it.
Despite realizing that I couldn’t finish within the timecap, I pushed hard till the very last second.
I worked hard.
And it seemed like my coaches and my boxmates all saw that but I couldn’t get it through my thick skull. Until I made myself shut up.
I am better today than yesterday and I’ll be better tomorrow than today.
Sometimes that little voice inside’s got some nasty things to say…guess I’ll have to shut her up with some heavy lifting.