I hate to do this to you. Really. I swear it hurts me more than it hurts you and I’m doing this for your own good. But we have to break up.
I want you to know that I worked really hard at this relationship. I did. But things just aren’t working out. I was dedicated to you. I was all, “oh, I LOVE reebok! They’re the official apparel for CrossFit!” so I made literally every effort to support you.
But you don’t support ME, Reebok! And I can’t take it anymore.
Let me explain.
It started at last year’s regionals. I bought your black, skinny strapped sports bra. You know the one with the little CrossFit triangle on the back and the “Reebok CrossFit” written in the neckline. So cute. I took out those weird little soft mold cups (wtf are those, anyway?) and I wore it really proudly to the 5 am workout and everything was good.
Until it wasn’t.
Our workout consisted of something involving box jumps and toes to bar. There could have been other movements, but honestly, I don’t remember what they were and I don’t care. What I do remember? Those eeny-meeny straps letting my boobs MANHANDLE that bra until the damn thing was at my waist. Have you ever tried to do box jumps with your sports bra hanging out like a belt?!
I was having to stop every 3 seconds to pull it up. I seriously considered chucking the damn thing and just winging (jiggling?) it.
I decided it was time for a break in our relationship. I was so mad at you.
So I took my nice, new, $60 bra and let it sit at the bottom of my sports bra drawer (Ace, you have a sports bra drawer? Yeah, I do).
For the rest of the year.
|This is the bra I’m talking about. Y U NO STAY ON ME, BRA?!|
Fast forward to this year’s regionals.
I worked the event again so Reebok was really generous and gave us discounted apparel. And I was like, “AW REEBOK! YOU DO LOVE ME!” so I decided to welcome you back into my loving arms. I bought a cute regionals tank and some cute shorts…and then I saw them. NEW BRA DESIGNS.
Gone were the days of skinny strapped bras! These new sports bras had thick straps. Some had double straps. I rejoiced! But not one to get beside myself, I approached with caution. I tried one on and, at the suggestion of my friend Kat, I came out of the dressing room and did a burpee. AND IT STAYED PUT.
Had my double D prayers been answered? It appeared so, Reebok.
|LOOK AT THOSE STRAPS, Y’ALL|
I wore my bras all through regionals. I was jogging up stairs, running around like a chicken with my head cut off on the floor, doing all the things! And I was impressed with the bras.
But we both know this was a temporary fix to a much larger problem in our relationship (see what I did there?)
I got home and wore my brand new purchases to the box. 6:30 class. And sure enough. There I was adjusting. Pulling and pushing. Desperately trying to keep my dang boobs in my bra. And then there was the running–the SPRINTING. I almost flashed approximately 4 people and a dog on a 400m. run.
It just wasn’t working out. And I knew that this was going to be another purchase that sits at the bottom of my sports bra drawer.
I can’t do this anymore. The frustration. The power struggle. Who will win today? Will it be you or my bust line? Who even knows anymore? We can’t keep score like this!
I’m exhausted, Reebok. I can’t support you and me by myself. It’s time I moved on and found something with a more restricting lycra blend.
I hope you understand.
And if, one day, you ever develop a more mature fabric that knows what it’s goals are and meets them. Give me a call.
Until then, this is not a farewell, just a “see you later”.
All my love,