American (Dating) Horror Stories

Bonnie at Life of Bon lives in Utah and is happily married (and expecting a baby!). But it wasn’t always like that. She had quite a few dating horror stories before she met the one. 

Well, guys, my whole dating career has been a damn Greek tragedy. I look back at it and think, “well, no good can come of this.” 

The last time I talked about my dating history it really turned out to be more of a list of the things I don’t want about a guy. But, for the sake of Bonnie’s link up, I’ve decided to narrow things down to the worst of the worst. This list is in no particular order. I’ll let y’all decide which one was the worst.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And because, if you’re reading this…you know who you are.

The long-distance cheater: I totally loved this dude. Head over heels in love. I’d get in my car and drive 5 hours for him if he wanted me to (which I did. A lot. Like, every other weekend). I was completely sure that we were gonna get married and live happily ever after. Until I found out that he was spending the weekends with me and, um, discovering new prairies Monday-Friday. And everyone knew but me. Including family. Not awkward at all.


The Age Out: I started dating this guy at 17 and he was 24. By accident. Dated until I was 19…and suddenly he was completely over me. And completely into a 17 year old girl. A year later, he was over her and into a different 17 year old girl. Y’all see where I’m going here.

The guy who was engaged (not to me): Started seeing a guy from my hometown and I was really digging him. Things were new but going well. I made plans to go home and visit him and we were both very excited about it…except when I got there, he made all kinds of excuses not to see me (what the eff?). I went out for drinks with some friends when they dropped the bomb, “Oh, you know [Insert Douchebag’s Name Here] met his fiancee through crossfit.” 
I’m sorry, what?
I found out he not only had a fiancee but also a child on the way. 
That revelation effectively ended any relationship I had with him, but I did jump right into a relationship with a lot of vodka that night.

Guy who was engaged (to me): Y’all remember that one time I was engaged? Me, too. That’s all I have to say about that.

Proof. Engaged once.

The little big man: Guy seemed to be nice enough. We knew each other in passing and he was cool. He was just barely taller than me, but into fitness and all that good stuff. We were hanging out pretty often at his request for awhile. I genuinely liked hanging out–and then one day he stopped calling for about 2 weeks. Me, being me, didn’t care. I just thought he wasn’t into me and let it go. He called near tears apologizing for being distant and begging me to forgive him, he claimed he was just “intimidated by the fact that I’ve been in serious relationships before” and that “he’s never been with a girl who’s as independent” as I am. Uh, okay? We went on one more date and that was it. He goes ghost again. 
About 3 months later, I got a text from him asking to hook up. 
Ha. No thanks, bro. It wasn’t all that to begin with. 

The guy who cried all the time: This was A date. Singular. One. Everything I said/did brought this guy to the brink of tears and occasionally sent him over the edge. Talk about bizarre. He brought up wildly controversial topics over dinner (you know, the ones they tell you that you shouldn’t discuss with people) and when I would respond with something like, “well, I don’t have an opinion on that because it doesn’t apply to me,” he would get inordinately upset and say things like “I can’t believe you’re so cold that you don’t care about others!” 
Whoa, bro. Dramatic much?

The “he loves me, he loves me not” guy: I could never tell with this guy. Some days, he loved me and wanted nothing more than to be with me. Other days, I didn’t exist at all. Spending even 10 seconds trying to figure out what dude wanted was a colossal waste of time. I don’t have even a second for your bipolar, yo.

The guy who told me to stop crossfitting: I was early in my CrossFit career when I developed my first callouses and I was damn proud of them (still am). I was on a first date with a guy who was trying to caress my hands across the table as we waited for our food when he felt my new callouses. 
He asked how I got them and I (very excitedly) said, “they’re new, I’ve been doing a lot of pullups and lifting.” 
He replied, “Oh, you have to stop that. It’s not very feminine.”
To which I got up, threw a $20 on the table for our bill and left. Douche.

they’re not even that bad!

Dating Disaster Level: Epic

One, Five, Ten

“Where do you see yourself in a year? Five years? Ten years?”

Recently, Bonnie over at The Life of Bon asked this question to her high school English classes. 

After thinking about it, you know what?I am not in any of the places I thought I would be when I was graduating high school. I don’t even know if I considered back then growing up to be the person I actually am.

Dance Team Banquet. Seniors. Front row, third from right. 

Senior prom. Yes, my flip phone is rhinestoned.

New York Dance Team trip. 

Senior Night with Brittany

One year
What I thought: I thought I’d be pre-med at LSU, loving it. Definitely getting straight A’s and loving going to the best party school in the country. I was going to have a ton of friends and probably a super hot boyfriend. And I was going to make the dean’s list for sure. I was also going to be super skinny and drinking allllll that beer was definitely NOT going to make me gain weight. Oh, and I was going to run a marathon. I think I actually wrote that down somewhere. Silly me.

I don’t know what was going on or why I’m not wearing shoes.

Before the weight gain happened…but you see what’s in my hand, right? It’s coming.

One year
Where I was: I did go to LSU and I did declare pre-med as my major…and hated every second of it. Making friends wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be and it felt like everything constantly reminded me that I wasn’t in Texas anymore. Thankfully, my next door neighbor and eventual roommate, Emily, helped me navigate the friends thing. There were a lot of all nighters where I called Mama Nancy crying, begging to come home. I also wanted to transfer to University of Texas-San Antonio because that’s where all my friends from high school went. I definitely missed out on the magic, “drink me and you won’t gain weight” beer because I drank the regular shit and gained a ton. And I didn’t run. Not one time, not one mile.

Know what this looks like? Bad decisions.

We may or may not have decided to jump on stage. At a bar. In the middle of someone’s musical performance.

Holly, Emily, Kelsey, Me, Tissy, Higgs, Blaum

When I still had little boobs.

Five years
What I thought: I would have totally graduated college and I’d have a super great job-to-career doing something I really loved for a lot of money. I’d probably be married already and working on starting a family. I’d be living back in Texas to be close to my parents. Obviously.

Crowning my successor.

Krissy Bug. Best friends for life.

Graduate. Finally.

5 yearsWhere I was: I was just graduating college with concentrations in 3 different, completely unrelated things. I was engaged to be married and working in property management managing apartments. I didn’t really have any idea what I wanted to do: did I want to continue in this career? Did I want to try something else? I had a brief flirtation with the idea of going to law school and took the LSAT. I did well, but I decided I didn’t hate myself enough to actually go to law school. Something told me to be a teacher, so I got my certification and started my teaching career at Istrouma High School (one of the best experiences of my life). I also realized how much weight I had gained and started trying to do something about it. 

10 yearsWhat I thought: I thought that by 28, I’d have shit together. I’d be way involved in my marriage. I’d have a kid or two. Or twelve. I’d own a house with a dog. I’d be a hospital’s chief of surgery by now (because everyone becomes a chief of surgery in like, 3 years, right?) and I’d volunteer on the weekends. I’d hang out with my mama and be busing my kids back and forth to whatever practice/birthday party/whatever.

8 years
Where I am: I haven’t made it to my 10 year yet (uh, 2 years away. WHAT?) but so far…I’m not all that close to what I thought. At all. I’m finishing my masters program in Kinesiology. The closest thing I have to a kid is Axl, who is the best kid EVER. I’m still teaching AND still working in property management and I’m working toward becoming a Marine Officer. I have good friends, I pay all my own bills, I have a great relationship with my parents and my tolerance for bullshit is pretty low. I like playing with other people’s kids and I hate laundry. Most days being a grown up sucks, but it’s pretty satisfying knowing that, as tiring as it can be, I get shit done. I still get carded buying beer and I’m okay with that. Oh, and I lost that freshman 40 from college. Finally.

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Me and the kid
Naturally I hang out with Mama Nancy

Where did you see yourself in a year, 5 years, 10 years from high school?
**PS: Athlete profiles on Saturdays will be BACK next week!

Sometimes I’m so sarcastic, people actually think I’m dumb

Because I’m in San Antonio for South Central Regionals, it’s been a little difficult to get my posts out like clockwork. So I’ll actually give you two #blogeverydayinMay posts at once!

Day 24: list your 3 worst traits.

1. I am stubborn.
On a good day, I can be mildly infuriating. On a terrible day, I’m wildly infuriating. When I get an idea in my head, that’s what I’m gonna do. Other people and common sense be damned. Most would argue that sometimes, I don’t have the brightest ideas, but I like to think of things as an adventure. Unless you don’t agree with my adventure. In that case, eff you and I’m going to do it anyway. Because you telling me I can’t/shouldn’t do it only makes me want to do it more. Naturally. My kindergarten teacher said I was bossy. I like to think of it as, “I’m good at issuing directives.” to-may-to, tom-ah-to.

2. I discipline other people’s children.
I don’t know if this is the teacher in my or just how I am, but I cannot stand to see a child misbehave. It drives me crazy. Contrary to popular belief, I was a very well behaved child because if I wasn’t, I was going to become real friendly with the other side of an ass-whoopin’. Nothing grinds my gears more than seeing a child be disrespectful, touch things they aren’t supposed to, or throw a tantrum. And I will take it upon myself to make them stop. Which is not good. People don’t like it when you chastise their children in wal-mart, I’ve come to learn. I’m also learning this very important lesson: if people want to turn their children into monsters, let them.

3. I can be so good at being sarcastic that people actually think I’m dumb.
I’ve always had a smart mouth. It’s just one of those habits my parents couldn’t break. I’ve always got something smart to say, whether I actually voice it or not. As I’ve gotten older, my sarcasm’s gotten better. Except it seems that the people around me have become less receptive. Sometimes, I’m so good at being sarcastic that people actually think I’m dumb. Which is awkward for everyone, generally speaking.

Day 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you’ll never forget.

Y’all, my voice changes. A lot. My accent will change depending on who I’m around. Mainly, I will adapt to accommodate them. 

Sometimes I’m real country
Sometimes I’m a little cajun
Sometimes I’m a little yatty
Sometimes it’s kinda ghetto

I adapt to my environment. And it’s never intentional, it just happens.

But I distinctly remember coming to my dad at 14 and being very upset about it. And I’ll never forget my dad’s reply:
“you change your voice because you are intelligent. You don’t want to be identified as the outsider. And that’s smart. It’s a survival tactic. You want people to feel comfortable around you and not feel like you are different from them. When in Rome, you do as Romans do. People who adapt to their environment survive.”

I’m a survivor, y’all.

{what are your worst traits?}

A Day In The Life Of…

Another #BlogEverydayInMay production thanks to Jenni @ Story of My Life. I sincerely wish that I could tell you that my day is super exciting and fun but, alas, it isn’t.

My days are usually jam packed with all kinds of various to-dos that are well documented in my planner. 

My Mondays and Wednesdays are generally the same while my Tuesdays and Thursdays look pretty similar, too.

These days: 
-Wake up around 500 am
-Pee, brush teeth, get dressed, pack nike bag for the day, grab all my stuff, head out the door, realize I forgot half of what I need, go back, get that other stuff, head to work.
-Arrive at work around 630 am
-Teach ‘n’ shit
-During planning periods/off hours: grade work, enter grades, post blogs for the day, make photos for the fan page, pay bills, ponder life, catch up on other people’s blogs, read celebrity gossip
-230 pm, school’s out
-Head to other job (on Mondays and Wednesdays, I work at an apartment complex after school. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I work at GNC)
-Head to RSCF to get my butt kicked badly.
-Head home and eat dinner. Usually a substantial amount of meat (that’s what she said)
-Attempt to lay out everything I need for the next day
-Attempt to do dishes/laundry/clean house
-Pass out around 11


I wish I had photos to document my insane schedule, but I don’t. Mainly because I just forget to take pictures until I’m already asleep. I know, I suck.

I should also add that, at any given time, my schedule includes: attending games for my students, arts and crafts, sewing, babysitting, fixing garbage disposals, calling someone else when I discover I can’t fix a garbage disposal, reading, dinner with friends (this happens very, very rarely), talking to my mama on the phone at length, forgetting to eat (this happens quite often), and panicking about things that I absolutely should not panic about (something else that happens quite often)

Things I want to tell my students.

{What does y’all’s day look like?}

My very first link up! Finishing the Sentence with Jake and Holly!

I’ve never done a link up before, but I’m doing one now! 
I love Holly’s blog. She’s pretty hilarious and I love reading her stuff. Plus I dig that she loves a clean house and a good bottle of beer. You can visit Holly’s blog here.

Equally funny and my very favorite boy blogger: Jake! He’s hilarious, too, and has an awesome boy perspective on things. You can visit his blog here.


My best friend says…that I need to move back home. She also thinks that I stress myself entirely too much and I work too hard. She can’t wait for me to come visit for our other friend’s bachelor party.

People call me… on the phone, mostly. 

The best part of my day… is the moment approximately 7-12 minutes after I take my preworkout and my face starts tingling. That’s how I know it’s GO time.

I really don’t understand… the concept of requiring pantyhose in the workplace. Is it 1962? No? Then let me wear my bare legs. Ugh. Just thinking about wearing pantyhose for 8 hours everyday makes my teeth itch.

I get really annoyed… when people don’t understand the concept of whispering. It’s a WHISPER. It’s not supposed to be heard clear as a bell from across the room. Also when people don’t understand that brassieres are not appropriate shirts. I don’t care who you are. Unless you’re Selena. In which case, please, continue.

There’s nothing like a… thick, juicy steak cooked rare.

Lately, I can’t get enough… sleep. Seriously, 3 jobs is taking its toll. I’m averaging 21 hours a week. This is not a good thing.

One thing I am NOT is… emotional. I’m just not. I never have been. Also, while not an asshole, I’m often perceived to be because I am not emotional. It’s an unfair cycle of behaviors.

I spent too much money on… nail polish. And I can’t figure out why because I get my damn nails done. Ugh.

I want to learn…. how to swim! One day, I swear I will. Until then, I will fake it ’til I make it.

If I ever met Jake in real life , I would… probably ask to be hooked up with his brother.

I can’t stop… cursing. I can’t do it. It’s like I have tourette’s…except everything I say is completely intentional and I mean it. I just can’t stop myself from saying it.

Never have I ever… skipped school. Ever. I’m a nerd and a goody two shoes. Kind of.

Reese Witherspoon… is f*cking awesome. Did you see her mugshot? All demure and secretive and ladylike. And she threw a total bitchfit and Atlanta PD still gave her a hat. She’s my new hero.

Hooray for linkups! 

In other awesome news: guess who ranked in the top 10 sales people in her REGION for last month’s sales? Oh yeah, THIS GIRL. I might be tired as hell, but I’m clearly working my ass off. Hopefully my paycheck reflects that.

In even better news: there’s currently a giveaway going on! Hells yeah. You can get THIRTY-NINE (that’s one less than 40) entries to win by visiting the post here.