“I hope today is your worst day ever.”

My mom used to say that to me as a kid.

Before you get upset and think Mama Nancy is the worst mom ever, give me a second. When I was young and used to find myself in the middle of a breakdown, declaring that “TODAY IS THE WORST DAY EVER,” she used to say, “I hope today is the worst day ever, because if it is, you’ll never, ever have another day as bad as this one. And tomorrow is almost here.”

She’s smart, that one.
Without fail, I would look back on my “worst day ever” and, suddenly, it didn’t seem so bad. My mother is magic.

2017 has shown me a lot of “worst days ever”. Far more than I ever could have anticipated and certainly far more than I think I deserve. I won’t lie, this year (especially the last half of this year) has been more than trying to say the least. And at some point, I decided to stop fighting the storm and open my sails. To let life take me where it takes me and roll with it.

Nothing about that has been easy for someone who is a planner and needs control. But that’s the thing about “worst days”.

They’re uncontrollable and unpredictable.

But, if today is your worst day ever, then you’ll never, ever have a worse one than this one. And tomorrow is almost here.

Post Harvey
That’s pretty much everything I own on the curb in front of my house.

 

And sometimes, the workout is bad

I had a bad workout yesterday.
I DNF for the first time ever.
I puked.
It was bad.

After I was finished, I laid on the floor for about 10 minutes afterward and I bitched myself out. I probably said every awful thing I could possibly say to myself.

“you should have pushed harder”
“you should have moved faster”
“I can’t believe you didn’t finish”
“you shouldn’t have rested so long”
etc.
Despite my coaches all coming to tell me good job.
Despite Jess yelling and cheering me on.
Despite my boxmates telling me I really worked hard.
I really gave myself hell.

I probably talked to myself like that all the way to class last night. When I pulled into my parking spot, I told myself to shut up. 

I pushed hard yesterday afternoon. 
Even though double unders are one of my incredible weaknesses, I pushed myself to do them. 
Even when I had to do double-single-double. When 65# got heavy, I kept doing it. 
Despite realizing that I couldn’t finish within the timecap, I pushed hard till the very last second. 
I worked hard.

And it seemed like my coaches and my boxmates all saw that but I couldn’t get it through my thick skull. Until I made myself shut up.

I am better today than yesterday and I’ll be better tomorrow than today. 
Sometimes that little voice inside’s got some nasty things to say…guess I’ll have to shut her up with some heavy lifting. 


This ain’t yo’ grandma’s lifestyle

This is probably going to be a really weird post, but I’ve GOT to talk about it.

I am busy. I have a ton of shiz to do everyday. I have a full time job, I have about a million on the side money making schemes, I run this blog, make times for friends and family, find time to support my kiddos (students), find time to lesson plan, grade at least 184 papers, cook, clean, get my grad school shiz together, pick up a second job and I train for CrossFit. (reading this all written down just exhausted me)

I have a crazy schedule. Seriously. A friend of mine just told me today that I’m the “queen of multitasking”. 

My schedule usually goes something like this:
3 am: wake up
3-445 am: cook and package all my food for the day, get dressed for workouts, pack my bag with clothes for actual work, make sure I have everything (I always have to check twice…mainly because I’m forgetful)
445-455 am: drive to Red Stick CrossFit 
5-6 am: WOD
6-615 am: Get ready for work in the RSCF bathroom.
615-630 am: Drive to work
630 am-245 pm: Educate kiddos ‘n’ shiz
245-300 pm: Drive back to Red Stick CrossFit
300-500 pm: Strength workout or work on shiz I suck at.
500-515 pm: head home
515-545 pm: Cook and eat dinner
545-730 pm: work on whatever the hell else I’ve gotta get done that day
No later than 8 pm: BED. 

And I try to fit everything on my to do list in during the day. And sometimes, my to do list is LONG. Don’t get me wrong, I make time for friends and all that, but I gotta make sure I get the things I need to get done, done.

I said all that to say this: this is my schedule because I want it to be. 

Do I have to workout at 5 am? No. Do I have to package all my food? No. Do I have to go to bed ass early to be up early? No. I do it because I WANT to. Just like I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to be the best me I can be. Yes, this schedule is hectic and crazy, but I love it. I get to do shiz that I love all day (minus grading papers. I hate that).

Things I don’t like: 
When people bust my balls about my schedule. I have a limited window of time to hang out with people and I will hang out when I have time. But don’t bust my balls because I’d rather be sleeping when you want to go out drinking. I don’t drink anyway (with the exception of special occasions. Or a long day at work. Or students that drive me to drink.)

When people try to call me a “granny” or “grandma” because I go to bed early and need my rest. Chances are, your granny doesn’t deadlift 250#. *unless she does, in which case, your granny’s a badass.* I’ve literally had 4 people call me some form of “granny” in the past 4 days. I get sleep because I need it. I have to rest my body because I need to prepare myself for a long day of extreme hyperactivity. (if you’ve ever seen me at 5 am workouts, you know exactly how hyper I can get) Forgive me if I’d rather sleep than go out drinking and have random guys air hump me and call it dancing. I’m honest. I will tell you when I can hang out and I’ll tell you when I need sleep. Trust me, you don’t want to hang out with me if I’m tired anyway. I get really cranky.

When people tell me what should be important to me. This is the one that I struggle with the most. I have always been a people pleaser. I like to make others happy–and a lot of times, its to a fault. I used to literally sacrifice the things that I wanted to do, goals that I had, and things that would make me happy, to do things for other people. I made a resolution earlier this year that I would be more selfish (you can read about that here). Long story short: I would stop letting people dictate what I’m going to do and when I’m going to do it. I will do the things that it takes to reach my own goals and make me happy. By any means necessary.

I have finally gotten to a point where I really love my life. I really love what I’m doing, what I’m going to do, and the goals/dreams I’ve set for myself. The last thing I appreciate is people trying to throw me off that track. 

Because of this journey, I am a better, happier person. My friends and family have noticed. I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m running through this crazy schedule everyday. I may sometimes be exhausted. I may be overwhelmed. I may feel like I can never do everything I need to do. But I have a genuine smile on my face. I wouldn’t trade this psychotic, overwhelming schedule for anything and I only want people with me who want to keep that smile just that: genuine.

See that? That’s genuine. I wanna keep that!