5 reasons why I could never be a Tanner girl

It’s Friday. Which means 5 on Friday. And I usually use Fridays to kind of word vomit about all the things I wanted to talk about all week, but couldn’t because I just didn’t have enough to make a post.

Well that’s changing today, kids.

Growing up, I loved to watch Full House. It was SO cool. Like, every time Stephanie said “How rude!” and every time Michelle hit us with the, “you got it, dude” and every time DJ gave some really sensible and sisterly advice about life. Not to mention the fact that these girls are living in a house-in San Fransisco-with a morning show host for a dad, a musician for an uncle, and a lovable comedian for the other father figure. I was totes jealous.

Recently, Nick at Nite has been airing reruns of my good old favorite TV show (Jesus, am I so old that my fave shows are now on late night cable tv?!) and, of course, I’ve been watching it. And as an adult I realized:
I could never, ever been a Tanner girl.

And here’s why:

5. My parents would have killed me the FIRST time I drove a motor vehicle into the kitchen.
I don’t know about you, but I’ll never forget what I was doing when Stephanie reversed Joey’s brand new car straight through the kitchen window. And then, a few years later, DJ and Steve ended up putting a cement truck through the window, into the kitchen and FILLING THE KITCHEN WITH WET CEMENT. Somehow both of these situations ended with a hug from good old dad and everything was A-OK. 

4. I could never get away with calling my Daddy “dude”.
…or telling him “how rude!” he was, for that matter. My daddy is daddy or sir and that’s all there is to it. And as cute as that may have seemed when I was watching it at 6 years old…at 26, all I can think about is how saying any of that to my parents would have resulted in a swift slap and come to Jesus talk. 

3. All those DJ/Danny heart to heart talks.
Y’ALL. I canNOT get over how DJ talks to her dad! Yeah, yeah. I get it. He’s trying to figure out how to do the whole single parent thing. But let me catch myself telling Daddy Carlos how “unfair” something is…and he’ll figure out a way to show me just how unfair things can get. And the talking back? No. Just no.

2. The time DJ fell asleep at Steve’s apartment.
NO. First, there would be none of this creeping around where Danny tries to spy on DJ and Steve. If I wasn’t hope at curfew, my daddy was going to the apartment where he would proceed to bust the door down. With a shotgun in hand. With no time for, nor would he care about, an explaination about what happened. And grounded for a  month? Try “no one will ever see you again. Ever.” 

1. Kimmie Gibbler
Kimmie Gibbler was one disrespectful little girl, y’all. I guarantee if Brittany had ever talked to my parents the way Kimmie talked to DJ’s, I would have demanded that she leave. You just don’t talk to your elders like that! Additionally, even if I was blinded by the fact that she was my best friend, my parents would have, very politely, told her to get out and never come back.  And add on top of that, she had stinky feet? Nancy. Ain’t. Havin’. It.

And there you go. I am never gonna be a Tanner girl. Childhood dream dashed.
But I think being a Herrera girl is treating me pretty well, no?

Enjoy your weekend!

5 on Friday: Back 2 School

FRIDAYYYYYYYYYY.

1. eBay is my savior.
This month has been rough financially due to a lot of travel and the holidays of last month. Thankfully, I’ve gotten the hang of this eBay and PoshMark thing and I’ve been selling some awesome stuff which has really been my savior.

In case any of you want to shop my PoshMark closet, please visit the link on the right! If you want to visit my eBay store, you can visit this link: http://www.ebay.com/usr/aherre1. I post new things every 5 days and sometimes more often. I’ve got some really cute stuff coming up!

2. Paleo challenge: update
Things are going really good this week! Usually by this time, I’m suffering from extreme Paleo flu and I’m a monster. I think maybe the increase in exercise is really helping me not be a terrible person due to lack of carbs. Hopefully this continues…or else I’ll be a big rage monster by next week.

3. TEXAS.
I get to go home and see my people this weekend in Houston! I am entirely too excited, I can’t even handle it. As much as I love Louisiana, I get very homesick. Some of y’all want me to come visit you, too, in other places in Texas so I guess I’ll have to make a Texas tour one of these days!

Home. Don’t even tell me you don’t wanna be from here.

4. My readers aren’t crazy.
I posted the 5 things I want to stop seeing on social media (http://eatpraywod.blogspot.com/2014/01/5-things-i-want-to-stop-seeing-on.html) and my readers not only agreed with me but added some things to my list. What did they add?
-These “To be honest/To be real” posts. Basically, people post a photo that says “to be honest” and people like it. Then the original poster is supposed to post what they honestly think about you or whatever. I think it’s dumb. I mean, I live my life honestly telling people exactly what I think of them. You don’t need to like my photo to get me to tell you. I love giving people my unsolicited opinion of them.

-Being all judgey about people’s bodies.
QUIT. IT. “she’s too fat.” “she’s too skinny.” “real women have curves.” “he needs muscle.”
QUIT.
Quite honestly, it’s nobody’s business what anyone else does with their bodies. But my mama taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you don’t say anything out loud. So if your mama didn’t teach you that, now you know. Adjust your behavior accordingly. BOOM.

-Duck faces.
Make it stop.

It’s 2014. This doesn’t have to happen.

5. School is BACK in session. Yawn.
LSU has started class again and I’m in 2 undergraduate classes and am taking them for graduate credit (meaning I have to do more work and earn it. Great). It’s weird. A) I teach the same kiddos I take class with. B) Undergrads ask the funniest questions, “um, this required textbook, do I actually need to buy it? Like, will it be on the tests?” Yes. It’s required. Looking forward to an entertaining semester.

Linking up with: http://www.the-good-life-blog.com/

What’s that you say? Summer reading?

Sorry I’ve been hiding for the past few days! It’s a big day…the LAST DAY WITH STUDENTS! Which naturally means that it’s also: “throw every loving thing on top of teachers before they can escape to summer” day. Meh. Fine. I totally got this.

Me. Mostly overwhelmed. Also underpaid. 

But I wanted to make sure I kept up with Jenni’s #blogeverydayinMay challenge!

A list of your favorite posts from your archives.

I’ve only been running this thing for about 5 months. (uh, what? 5 months already? HOLY SHIZ.) so my list may not be that long. But it’ll probably be entertaining!

annnnnnnnd go!

This Wouldn’t Be The First Time…-My very first post. My very first progression picture. The very very beginning.

You don’t have to be great to start-Why you should start crossfit. Right. Now.

The thing about: being selfish-My “new year’s resolution” or whatever.

The thing about: cheating reps-Don’t be that guy/girl in the gym.

Why I hate the word “thick”– Because, seriously, I do.

Burpees, Snatches, and Boobs– I think the title says it all.

Don’t get too “muscly”– and other things to say to me that piss me off.

Religion: Crossfit

Alllllll of that should give you more than enough reading material for, um, ever. 

Happy Tuesday!

Crisco and Wedding Rings

Day 18 of Jenni @Story Of My Life’s #blogeverydayinMay Challenge.

“Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.”

Mmm. A childhood story.
Just a warning: if you’re on a paleo challenge you may not wanna read this.

I come from a pretty hispanic family and we probably eat all the foods that you imagine we do. And my grandma was the best cook in the whole world. Rice and beans, enchiladas, calabasa con pollo, huevos rancheros. Nom nom nom. My most favorite thing to eat was my grandma’s homemade tortillas. They were perfection. They were thick and buttery and amazing. 

I remember watching her make the balls of dough as a kid, fascinated. She would pull out all the ingredients, put them on the counter and then, like magic, she’d be putting fist sized balls of dough in a plastic bag to refrigerate for cooking the next morning. Because, of course, we needed fresh tortillas for breakfast the next morning. 

I distinctly remember the day she let me help make tortillas. I got to stand up on a chair so I could reach the counter like a big girl. I remember laughing as she’d kneed the dough and her wedding ring would disappear into it and come up covered. Then, she’d complain that she never remembered to take it off before she started. She would walk through each step out loud so I’d remember what she was doing. I remember her smelling like flour, Crisco, and grandma all rolled up. She’d hand me a big clump of dough and tell me to roll it up in a perfect circle and I did as I was told. By the time we got to the end of the dough, I had a lot of perfectly round circles. She used the last of the dough to make two “baby circles”. We packaged up our circles and left our baby circles out.

She used her rolling pin to flatten out our baby circles and cook them up on her comal (flat skillet). She covered them in butter and we sat down to eat ’em. She said we needed a treat for all of our hard work.

Even after all these years later, I still remember what she smelled like, how she laughed, and how to make the perfect flour tortilla (I’d share the recipe, but it’s a secret!)

{What’s your favorite childhood memory?}

15 Things You Didn’t Know I’m Terrible At

I’m not sure what’s going on in the blog-o-sphere, but I’ve seen a TON of posts that are like, “25 things you probably didn’t know about me”

So I decided to do one, too. With a twist.

15 Things You Didn’t Know I’m Terrible At

1. Dancing
If it isn’t choreographed, I can’t do it. At least not what people today call dancing, which is in all honesty, dry humping in a public place. Sorry, random guy I’ve never seen before, I would not like to simulate sex with you in front of my friends. I usually just stand there motionless, trying to pretend I’m not there and hoping, like a bear, if I stand there without moving long enough he’ll lose interest and go away.


2. Handling stress
I am the most dramatic person alive. For example, my stressful situation yesterday went like this: “MOM, THEY SAY I HAVE TO DO SLTs FOR KIDS I DIDNT EVEN TEACH ALL YEAR! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN? WHAT THE SHIZ? MY GOD, MOM, IF THEY MAKE ME DO THIS, I SWEAR TO ALL THINGS HOLY I WILL LAY DOWN AND DIE. RIGHT HERE. YOU HEAR ME, MOM? DIE.” This is how I handle it. Naturally, I am doing the SLTs and I am not dying. But I just know that if you increase the stress factor, I’m going to freak out. Even if it’s just in my head.

Seriously. I leave her messages like this all the time. What could she possibly be doing that she can’t answer the phone? I COULD BE DYING!


3. Multiplication tables
For real. I never memorized them. Why? Because my round tablemates and I cheated our way through 2nd grade math. My teacher said I would never survive adulthood if I didn’t learn them. Joke’s on you, Miss Palermo. I have a badass iPhone with a calculator. Who needs multiplication anyway?


4. Talking slowly
The only time I talk at a relatively slow pace is when I’m being condescending. Or when I’m being offensive and clapping on every syllable of every word. 

5. Technology
For all the technology I use everyday, I still don’t get it. What happened to 101987401 lb. Apple computers, MS paint, and 8″ floppy disks? I liked those days. 

6. Crossfit
To say I love crossfit so much, I’m pretty terrible at it. In fact, I pretty much hate everything about it. It shows me my weaknesses all the time. BUT that’s also why I love it. Because everyday, I suck a little bit less (that’s what she said) and it feels good to not suck so bad.

7. Holding grudges
I am terrible with holding grudges. And by terrible, I mean that I’m great at it and I can hold them forever. I know, I know, “Ace, that isn’t healthy”. Yeah, I get it. BUT, I do it. If you cross me or show me that you aren’t trustworthy, watch out, buddy. You’re about to see wrath and it isn’t attractive.

8. Being emotional
On the flip side, I am not an extremely emotional person until we’ve entered into a topic I’m very passionate about. I never really have been necessarily emotional about things and my friends would tell you that my most obvious emotion is anger. Which is why I’m like the Hulk. People don’t like me when I’m angry.

9. Telling jokes
I suck at this. My friends think I’m funny, but I’m a terrible joke teller. Why did the chicken cross the road? F*ck if I care.
See?

10. Walking
I’m the most clumsy person I know. I constantly bang my feet, hips, elbows, and every other appendage on everything available. My mother doesn’t consider a year a success until I have fallen on my face in front of a huge crowd. Her first question is always, “are you okay?” and her next question is, “did anyone see you?” In my defense, two of my former boyfriends were acquired because they helped me up from a fall. Color me talented.

11. Leaping without looking
I cannot blindly jump into anything. I just can’t. I have an intense distrust of anything that someone tells me I should not question. I’m inquisitive. If I have questions and you’re legit, you should be able to answer my questions, dammit. Not asking questions is how people end up in cults and ponzi schemes, y’all.

12. Taking compliments
This is always an awkward situation, especially if the compliment is from a person I don’t really know. Mostly because if I’m not acquaintances with the person complimenting me, it’s probably a person that’s kind of sketchy. Also, when I’m in an uncomfortable situation, I defer everything with humor.

Example:
Sketchy guy: “say lil mama, I like the way you fill out that dress.”
Me: “uh, thanks but this is really just a body suit. When I unzip at the end of the night, I’m really an alien. Like on Men in Black.”
Sketchy guy: “um, okay?”

13. Not following a schedule
Y’all know about my obsession with making schedules and lists. I got all upset because I they don’t make my favorite dang planner anymore. But I hate “playing things by ear”. I don’t want to hang out until we find something to do. I want to know what we’re doing so I can put it on the schedule. That’s the way my life works. I schedule in free time. If we’re going to “play something by ear”, I’d rather just sleep.

14. Dealing with stupid people
I can accept people who don’t agree with me. I can’t accept people who just say/do stupid things. Things that don’t make any sense and have zero legitimate justification. People like that make my face turn green.

15. Shopping
I hate it. I’m terrible at it. When I go shopping, I go with a specific outfit in mind and if I can’t find it in 20 minutes, I quit. I turn into a big baby and throw tantrums. I don’t try things on. I would rather buy them and return them than try them on under florescent lighting. Actually, I’d rather buy them online and not have to go to a store at all. If I can’t find what I need in under 20 minutes then I must not have needed it after all. 

{what are y’all terrible at?}

Started at the bottom now I’m…still at the bottom

So I’m a high school teacher, right?
And allllllllll day long I hear my kids saying things like, “I can’t wait to get out of high school and be on my own.” 
“I’m grown.”
“When I graduate, I’m gonna do whatever I want.”
Or, my favorite:
“Once I’m 18, I’m gonna have an awesome job that’s gonna pay for everything. My own car, my own house, my own everything. I’m not gonna listen to nobody and I’ma be my own boss. Can’t nobody tell me what to do. Started from the bottom, now I’m here, type shit.” (please note ALL the double negatives in this statement. This is really my life. This is what I have to listen to. What’s kept me from committing suicide and ending it all? I have no idea. Also note the Drake reference in everyday conversation. Started from the bottom and you’re probably going to hang out there for a while.)


blah. blah. blah.
good one, kid. 

Me, being me, I’m like, “DON’T DO IT! STAY IN SCHOOL AS LONG AS YOU CAN. LIFE SUCKS AFTER THIS, I SWEAR.”

no one ever believes the teacher, yo.
believe me. I’m smart. I know shit.
And I KNOW that shit was way better before I was a grown up.

I don’t care what anyone says: being grown up sucks. 
My whole life, I was all, “I can’t wait to get out of school and be on my own.” 
And then I got on my own and became enslaved to jobs, taxes, and bills. 
KIDDING ME!?!
Did I really used to hope for this? I did.

These kids are scratching at the walls trying to be “grown” and I’m all over here trying to make forts out of blankets again.

Shit grown ups really  say:

I don’t even have a job in my field.
Why did I even need that degree?
I gotta go to bed, I have work in the morning.
Jean day on Friday. FINALLY!
Raising taxes? WHAT THE F*CK?
So my premiums went up and my coverage went down?
What’s a 401K?
I really regret this tattoo now.
Why is the coffee gone?
DAMMIT! I put my name on my lunch and someone took it anyway!
I slept in today. All the way to 7 am.
I want to take off, but my paid vacation ran out 3 months ago.
My checking account balance is $3 for the next 2 weeks.
I’d love to go to happy hour, but I need a nap.
I hate everyone.
Can I go back to school?
What do you mean I have to wear pantyhose?
Where’s the rest of the coffee?
My gas light is on…I think I can make it home. 
Why did I think I was fat in high school?
Work is making me eat my feelings.
Kids are so weird these days.
Why does my unlimited data plan cost so much?
Wait, there are two separate charges for water AND sewer?
Seriously, what’s a 401K?
Sallie Mae is blowing up my phone right now.
I wanna try new xyz workout but it’s so expensive and I’m always so tired.
I like my friends. But I like my bed more.
Who knew insurance was so expensive?
What do you mean, “file my taxes”?
If I’m gonna get through this, I need another bottle of wine.
What does “going ham” mean? Ham is a lunchmeat.
WHY IS THERE NO COFFEE?
I try my best to be nice to people…just kidding. I don’t care about other people’s feelings.
Dammit. I knew I should have been an engineer.
What the hell am I going to do with a liberal arts degree?
I’m only gonna work at {insert retail chain here} until I can find a job in my field.
Is it okay to live with your parents after 25?
What about after 30?
College was so awesome. Why did we ever leave?
Can I have a raise?
Why can’t I have a raise?
Take the degree back, Sallie Mae! I’m not using the damn thing anyway.



On a fitness note: day 2 of #AceAndSteph’s60DayKickAssChallenge and I pretty much want to fight everyone and everything. Especially this bitchass flower pot that’s been eyeing me. YEAH, I SEE YOU, FLOWERS.

I may have just lost it today. My bad.


So what you’re saying is…I can’t be a rapper when I grow up?

Remember back in the Myspace days when people used to complete surveys about themselves and post them on the “bulletin board” for their friends to fill out? No? Oh.

That’s okay. I’m pretty sure only me, Brittany, and our friend Ed ever used to do them.

But we loved them and they were a good way to get to know you friends and learn random things about them. So since that’s what y’all want, that’s what y’all get!

First and Middle Name?
Aislinn Alysse

What’s the wallpaper on your cell phone?
The GetRX’d logo, courtesy of Mike Lian and a drunken night at the bar.

Are you allergic to anything?
Fish. Or I was as a kid. I don’t know if I still am…mainly because I’m too afraid to test it. I mean, what kind of death is that?

Is there someone/something you want?
This is clearly a  loaded question. I would really love some beef jerky, though.

What’d you do yesterday?
Worked, took a new employment drug test, completed new hire paperwork, cleaned house, attempted (read: thought about it, but didn’t) to start packing.

Are you bipolar?
No. Well, maybe sometimes. Nah, no, I’m not.

Do you and your exes have a good relationship?
I generally don’t continue to have relationships with my exes. When it’s over, it’s over.

Where would you wanna go on a date?
Somewhere low key and relaxed. Also somewhere where they serve cheese fries.

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yes. Quite underwhelming, if you ask me.

What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Their hands, every time.

Do you have a nickname?
Yes, a lot of people call me Ace, even though it’s my least favorite. I am liking this new one that’s starting to stick: Tex. 

Say something totally random about yourself.
“Something totally random about yourself.”

First thing you’ll save in a fire?
At my house? My booksack. It’s got all my important things in it.

Are you comfortable with your height?
I have no choice but to be comfortable with it. I haven’t grown since 5th grade.

How tall are you?
5 feet tall. 

Do you speak any other language than English?
Spanish. Spanglish. Hebbronvillian. Whatever you call that.

Have you ever lost anyone really close to you?
Unfortunately, yes. Fortunately for me, I gained a wonderful guardian angel.

What’s something that really annoys you?
Everything on any given day. Mostly, when people don’t use correct English. Also, leggings as pants.

Do you have a celebrity crush?
Yes. Lucas Black. I love him. Seriously, IN LOVE with him. Anyone wanna do me a solid and hook me up? No?

What is behind you?
A super awesome drawing of a Dia de los Muertos skull that one of my students drew for me. My kiddos are talented!

Have you ever honestly thought you were gonna die?
A couple of times. Mainly anytime I disobeyed my parents and they found out.

What are you wearing?
Black slacks and a teal/lace shirt. Biz cas, yo.

What color is your hair?
I don’t know, actually. Dark brown? But I’m growing my real color out so it’s doing this weird natural ombre thing. So thankful that ombre is the thing right now.

What color are your eyes?
Brownish green. Like a swamp. But without the alligators…usually.

Favorite sport to watch?
College football. Naturally. I’m from Texas.

Favorite alcoholic drink?
Vodka tonic with lemon.
Bloody mary with extra tabasco and bacon.
Colorado bulldog if I’m feeling like a sweet drink.

Favorite non-alcoholic drink?
DIET COKE. But I’m mostly drinking water these days.

Have you ever been in love?
Yes. It was a moderately short trip and I went unwillingly. Thankfully, that vacation is over.

Favorite holiday?
Christmas. I love everything about it! Everything is more beautiful at Christmas time.

HEY! And if you haven’t yet, make sure you follow me on Keek (@eatpraywod) and on instagram (@_eatpraywod)

What are some fun facts about you?