Getting out of the dark place

If you’ve been doing Crossfit for a while, you know about the dark place. 
It’s the place that we all have to go sometimes.

You see the workout and you develop your strategy. 
And then everything goes to hell.
You lose all control of everything.
Your abandon all strategy and it’s a freakin’ free for all.

You start to panic.
Everything is going to shit and everything’s closing in around you.

That’s when you have to go to the dark place.
It’s different for everybody.

My dark place is quiet.
I can only hear myself and the non-sound of time running out.
I can’t really see anything but my weights.
Usually when I get to the dark place, I’m beating myself up.
“why didn’t you stay on pace?”
“why did you think this strategy would work?”
“what are you doing?”
“just stop.”

But after a few seconds, my voice calms down.
“just keep moving.”
“just keep moving.”
“don’t look at the clock.”

My dark place is painful. Everything hurts there.
It hurts to breathe.
Hurts to move.
Hurts to bend.
Hurts to run.
Hurts to think.

“keep moving. keep fighting.”

It’s over.
I’m out of the dark place.

Back to regularly scheduled programming.
Until my next visit.

Source: Jayde Quilty

Being a virtuous crossfitter

What is it?

To be virtuous means to demonstrate morally excellent behavior. You maybe strive to be a virtuous person everyday. Maybe you’re the person who turns in the $50 you found in the parking lot, helps an old lady cross the street, and pushes the kids on the swing at the park. You might be the kind of person who visits your mawmaw ‘n’ ’em at the nursing home every Sunday, takes your kid brother to a movie every week, and is the DD after every night out at the bar. 

You’re good, right? You’re virtuous.

I’ve come to realize that being truly virtuous means to uphold morally excellent behavior…at all cost and despite the consequence. 

We all know that crossfit sucks. It’s painful. It hurts to push yourself to and beyond your physical limits. And we are all too familiar with that voice that says, “stop” or, “just do 14 instead of 20”. Sometimes that voice says, “cheat a little so you can beat so and so”. 

But your own personal virtuosity is what pushes you through. It stops you from cheating yourself. It stops you from writing “rx” on the board if you didn’t. It stops you from diminishing the work of others who did. 

Virtuosity keeps us honest with ourselves and our bodies. By understanding what our bodies could do today and holding tight to that knowledge, we can challenge it to do more tomorrow. For virtuosity is remaining true to the journey and not focusing on rushing to the destination. 

Maybe sticking to your moral excellence meant you slowed on your squats so you could hit full depth every time. 
Maybe it meant using a band to ensure that your chin made it over the bar during your pull ups.
Maybe it meant scaling the weight to complete the workout correctly. 
But it also meant that you kept your movement honest. You kept you honest with yourself.

Keep being honest. Be virtuous. Enjoy your journey.


So. Me and Steph are Crossfit BFFs. 
We’re both teachers, we both crossfit.
She lives in Guatemala and I live in Louisiana.
We email pretty much daily and I mail her care packages. Even though I still have to mail one that’s been put together for like, a week in my living room. Don’t judge.

Me. and Steph. 

Anyway, we basically love crossfit, but we need to eat better. Basically, it’s hard to perform like a beast in the box when we eat like crap. AND it’s pretty hard to the the results we want, too. 

So we’re starting #AceAndSteph’s60DayKickassChallenge. 

Basically, whole 30…but for 60. We’re gonna keep track of our food intake, our workouts, and our measurements. We’re going to measure on day 1 (today) and day 60. EEK.

No sugars.
No dairy.
No processed foods.

Because, in 60 days, we want to look kickass. Steph will be home from Guatemala and I’ll still be in Louisiana. But we want to look like Camille. Or at least as close to that as we can get. 

We’re probably gonna be b-words for the next few weeks as our bodies detox off of sugar, but hopefully our friends will forgive us and we’ll be better for it. Or maybe we’ll be b-words with 6 packs. Whatevs.

If anyone has advice/recipes/inspirational words they wanna share…drop it in the comments below!

Happy Monday and happy day 1 of #AceAndSteph’s60DayKickAssChallenge!

"Don’t get too muscly"

When I tell people that I crossfit, the first question I am usually asked is, “what is crossfit?” 

I explain what crossfit is and the next comment I get is, “well, that’s cool. Just don’t get too muscly”

Then I get angry. And people don’t like me when I’m angry.
Sorry for all the cursing, but who is she or he or you or anyone to tell me what the hell to do with my body?! 

Don’t get me wrong, I am trying to be more fit. I am not trying to be the she-hulk (even though I think that would be the coolest thing pretty much ever). But with fitness comes muscles. Because physically fit people are strong. Duh. 

I am trying–and training–to be the most fit I can be. If for nothing else but the clearly inevitable zombie apocalypse. And for me, being fit, does not mean weighing 4 pounds, wearing size 0 million and not being able to lift a pencil without struggling. 

I want to lift things that are way heavier than me. Know why? Because that means–if I needed to–that I could lift my own body weight a bunch of times. I want to have a healthy body with all the right kinds of curves. I want to have an ass and not a butt. 

No one is going to convince me that a “thigh gap” or whatever is sexy if you look like a mosquito hawk. My thighs touch and that shit is great news. Why? Because if I’m ever trapped under something up to 2x my body weight, I can push that shit off of me. 

I don’t watch the scale. I don’t care what that piece of shit says and neither should you. It’s just a number. It’s your relationship with freakin’ gravity. The only thing I care about gravity is seeing how fast I can pick up whatever it’s holding down. Know what it isn’t gonna hold down? Me. That stupid scale can’t tell me how awesome I am or how far I’ve come. 

All I try to do everyday in the box is be better. 
Lift more.
Run faster.
Jump higher.
Get double unders (that shiz still hasn’t happened yet).
Be more fit.

My goal is not and never has been to be stick skinny. Because I can’t be. I am not built like that. I have and will forever have hips, thighs, boobs, and ass. So I had a decision: use what I got and make it tight…or look like a bag of mayonnaise and die in the zombie apocalypse. I chose the former. 

A lot of people I talk to want to be skinny and don’t want muscles. They want to run on the treadmill for 30191803 hours a day. They don’t want to lift weights because “it’ll make ’em bulky”.
If that is your goal, fine. 
Watch the scale.
Follow a crazy, 500 calorie a day diet
And be skinny fat.

I’ll be over here, feeding my muscles with steak and (sweet) potatoes.

This ain’t yo’ grandma’s lifestyle

This is probably going to be a really weird post, but I’ve GOT to talk about it.

I am busy. I have a ton of shiz to do everyday. I have a full time job, I have about a million on the side money making schemes, I run this blog, make times for friends and family, find time to support my kiddos (students), find time to lesson plan, grade at least 184 papers, cook, clean, get my grad school shiz together, pick up a second job and I train for CrossFit. (reading this all written down just exhausted me)

I have a crazy schedule. Seriously. A friend of mine just told me today that I’m the “queen of multitasking”. 

My schedule usually goes something like this:
3 am: wake up
3-445 am: cook and package all my food for the day, get dressed for workouts, pack my bag with clothes for actual work, make sure I have everything (I always have to check twice…mainly because I’m forgetful)
445-455 am: drive to Red Stick CrossFit 
5-6 am: WOD
6-615 am: Get ready for work in the RSCF bathroom.
615-630 am: Drive to work
630 am-245 pm: Educate kiddos ‘n’ shiz
245-300 pm: Drive back to Red Stick CrossFit
300-500 pm: Strength workout or work on shiz I suck at.
500-515 pm: head home
515-545 pm: Cook and eat dinner
545-730 pm: work on whatever the hell else I’ve gotta get done that day
No later than 8 pm: BED. 

And I try to fit everything on my to do list in during the day. And sometimes, my to do list is LONG. Don’t get me wrong, I make time for friends and all that, but I gotta make sure I get the things I need to get done, done.

I said all that to say this: this is my schedule because I want it to be. 

Do I have to workout at 5 am? No. Do I have to package all my food? No. Do I have to go to bed ass early to be up early? No. I do it because I WANT to. Just like I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to be the best me I can be. Yes, this schedule is hectic and crazy, but I love it. I get to do shiz that I love all day (minus grading papers. I hate that).

Things I don’t like: 
When people bust my balls about my schedule. I have a limited window of time to hang out with people and I will hang out when I have time. But don’t bust my balls because I’d rather be sleeping when you want to go out drinking. I don’t drink anyway (with the exception of special occasions. Or a long day at work. Or students that drive me to drink.)

When people try to call me a “granny” or “grandma” because I go to bed early and need my rest. Chances are, your granny doesn’t deadlift 250#. *unless she does, in which case, your granny’s a badass.* I’ve literally had 4 people call me some form of “granny” in the past 4 days. I get sleep because I need it. I have to rest my body because I need to prepare myself for a long day of extreme hyperactivity. (if you’ve ever seen me at 5 am workouts, you know exactly how hyper I can get) Forgive me if I’d rather sleep than go out drinking and have random guys air hump me and call it dancing. I’m honest. I will tell you when I can hang out and I’ll tell you when I need sleep. Trust me, you don’t want to hang out with me if I’m tired anyway. I get really cranky.

When people tell me what should be important to me. This is the one that I struggle with the most. I have always been a people pleaser. I like to make others happy–and a lot of times, its to a fault. I used to literally sacrifice the things that I wanted to do, goals that I had, and things that would make me happy, to do things for other people. I made a resolution earlier this year that I would be more selfish (you can read about that here). Long story short: I would stop letting people dictate what I’m going to do and when I’m going to do it. I will do the things that it takes to reach my own goals and make me happy. By any means necessary.

I have finally gotten to a point where I really love my life. I really love what I’m doing, what I’m going to do, and the goals/dreams I’ve set for myself. The last thing I appreciate is people trying to throw me off that track. 

Because of this journey, I am a better, happier person. My friends and family have noticed. I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m running through this crazy schedule everyday. I may sometimes be exhausted. I may be overwhelmed. I may feel like I can never do everything I need to do. But I have a genuine smile on my face. I wouldn’t trade this psychotic, overwhelming schedule for anything and I only want people with me who want to keep that smile just that: genuine.

See that? That’s genuine. I wanna keep that!